Greenwood's Power Ranking™ of Fast Food Restaurants

I've eaten fast food a time or two. Let's get into it.

I have a challenge. Before you scroll down, make a note on your phone or whatever of what you think the top 10 Fast Food joints are, and send it my way. I want to see who has THE EYE.

I love fast food more than I love a lot of things on this earth. Salt makes food better, and fast food joints put SO MUCH SALT in stuff. They have chemically engineered food to be tasty and addictive, and I’m caught hook, line and sinker. When I die someday, the first thing I am going to ask in heaven is, “Exactly how much money did I spend eating fast food?” If it doesn’t come out to you by someone handing you a greasy bag, or on a weirdly wet plastic tray, it’s not fast food. It doesn’t matter if you love fast food like me, or you are one of those people that turn their noses up at the idea of fast food, you have opinions. LET’S SEE IF YOUR OPINIONS ARE ACCURATE.

10. Braum’s - I already got some of you. “Braum’s is only #10?? This guy is crazy”. Listen, Braum’s has some of the tastiest ice cream in the world. I would love to rank it higher, but those fries are just not that amazing, the chicken breading needs work, and the burgers are fine. Really it only cracks the list because of the ice cream.

9. Taco Bueno - I love Bueno. Cheesecake Chimis are one of the best fast food desserts of all time. Firehouse salsa slaps, and their chicken quesadillas are fantastic. The thing that puts Bueno up there though is the adrenaline rush you get from just being in their store. Is there standing water on the floor? Are they somehow out of tortillas, meat, cheese, and beans? Will you get anything that you actually ordered? Roll the dice and ride the wave, because eating at Bueno is an experience. My favorite part is waiting after I have ordered, wondering what treasures they are going to serve up to me that aren’t even close to what I asked the cashier for. It’s exhilarating.

8. Arby’s - They have the meats, and honestly, they have the fries. Those curly fries are to die for. This is one of the few fast food places on the planet that I have to think about what I want when I go because I actually like several things here. Losing some standing for me though because LITERALLY YESTERDAY I drove by an Arby’s that had “Now serving Fish” on their roadside sign. FISH? FROM ARBY’S? FISH? That’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

7. McDonald’s - The OG king of fast food slaps. This place, more than any, proves that salt makes everything better. The fries, when done correctly, are the best in the game. Coke out of their fountain just tastes BETTER. Strawberry and Creme pie slaps. They do everything great here. Also, their rewards app is second to none. The only thing holding them back in these rankings is that I cannot seem to get a sandwich that is actually hot. Every time I get food here, my main is room temp, and even salt can’t fix that.

6. KFC - Again, recency bias is rearing it’s ugly head. KFC has these wraps right now that have a piece of chicken, mac and cheese, and spicy mayo wrapped in a tortilla at 2/$5. Those things slap. For fast food chicken, it’s top 3 on the bone. KFC can fall short on the tender game though, and I think that their sides could be improved. Big Box combos are just top notch value though.

5. QuikTrip - I know what you are all thinking. “Alex, QT is a gas station, not fast food.” I disagree. I think that QT is a fast food joint that also sells gas and cigarettes. I mean have you had the food here? Buffalo chicken sticks, delicious. Pizza, pretty good. Steak and cheese taquitos, unbeatable. You ever gamble and take something off the roller that is just behind the little flag that tells you what is done and what is not done cooking? I mean who else doesn’t want the ability to pick from 300 different beverages to go along with their lunch? And we all know from a few weeks ago that the smell of gasoline enhances any experience.

4. Chick-Fil-A - We all knew it had to make the list. The king of service, and the king of speed. It really doesn’t matter if the drive-thru line is 30 cars long, you will still have you food before ANYONE at popeye’s. Spicy chicken sandwich with mac and cheese is one of the best meals of all time. My only real gripe is that I always leave a little hungry still. I also had a weird experience in a Chick-Fil-A bathroom one time that will forever haunt me, but that’s a story for a different POWER RANKING™.

3. Little Caesar’s - Instant pizza. Sure, it’s not the best pizza, but it is INSTANT. As long as it’s still hot, it’s passable pizza as well. I think Little Caesar’s gets a bad wrap. Crazy Bread is tasty, that Batman Calzone thing they did was FIRE. Honestly, they have the best Lunch Combo in the game as well. Go by and get you a lunch combo some day. ALSO THEY HAVE SOMETHING THEY CALL THE PIZZA PORTAL. PIZZA PORTAL. THAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING OF ALL TIME.

2. Raising Cane’s - The best chicken tenders in the game. I will not elaborate.

1. Taco Bell - We all knew where this was going. I have a deep and complicated history with Taco Bell. It’s helped me through dark times, it’s put me in dark times. I’ve been so regular at Taco Bell, that at one point in time I could go to the drive-thru speaker at my local Taco Bell on any weekday at 11am and say “It’s me” and they would punch my order in. I wish that wasn’t a true story, but it is. I’ve had my ups and downs with Tbell. I almost quit them forever when the removed the lard from their refried beans, and honestly I have never really gotten used to them since. But two things keep me coming back over and over and over again.

   Nacho Cheese, those delicious little cups of liquid gold, perfect for dunking your burritos in; and Baja blast, God’ favorite soda. It’s so good that they know it can’t go in every restaurant, because you can’t make enough to meet the demand. Baja shortages would fuel the next major economic crisis in this country.

Praise the lord for food given to you quickly, and poorly. There’s just something about it.

LOVE YA

TEX TAX