Greenwood's Power Ranking™ of Mountain Dew™ Flavors
You may not even have known that Mountain Dew™ has enough variety to power rank. BUT THEY DO.
I have long struggled with an unhealthy intake of soda. There’s just something about that burn mixed with the sweetness that has always taken hold of me. While Mountain Dew™ is not my favorite soda, or soda brand, in the world it does have a wide variety of delicious offshoots. Be it exclusives to stores, or widely adored 2-litre bottles from Little Caesar’s on a Friday night after hitting Blockbuster, we all have had a brush with The Dew™.
Also, you might be surprised to know just how many Dews™ are EXCLUSIVE TO THE MOST RANDOM PLACES.
Let’s rank these neon colored caffeine filled sugar potions.
Mountain Dew™ Legend - This is a Buffalo Wild Wings™ exclusive Dew™ that is honestly, just BARELY better than plain old Dew™. It’s a concerning DARK purple color that you feel like is going to stain your teeth. It’s advertised as “blackberry citrus” but I don’t know about all that. I just know that getting a BWW™ exclusive Dew™ in my time comes right along with that classic BWW™ experience. You might get it, you might get it flat, you might get it with no ice for some reason, you might never get served at your table. Who knows? It’s BWW™.
Mountain Dew™ Sweet Lightning - This Dew™ is a KFC™ exclusive. It’s advertised as a “Sweet Peach & Smooth Honey” flavor, so as to pair with your “southern-inspired” food from KFC™. I don’t know guys, this one is weird. It like tastes good for a second, then you are like, why did I get this over Dr. Pepper™? Worth a try, I typically make this regrettable decision when I go get one of my Food Hacks™ at KFC™.
Mountain Dew™ Voltage - Okay, voltage cracks me up. It’s like Mountain Dew™ tried to make something that looks and tastes like an energy drink, but doesn’t really have any ADDITIONAL energy benefits. Like, it’s still Mountain Dew™ so tons of sugar and caffeine, but they couldn’t commit and put like, meth or something in it. I never thought I’d be here telling Mountain Dew™ that they aren’t committing enough to something. (Yes, I know they make energy drinks now, but voltage came out first)
Mountain Dew™ Throwback - Man, me and my buddy Will would CRUSH these back in middle and high school. We had somehow convinced ourselves that because it was made with Cane Sugar instead of High Fructose Corn Syrup, that we were making a responsible choice as we drank a 12 pack in a night. I do think they taste better than normal Mountain Dew™, and hey, maybe you can mental gymnastics your way into thinking it’s a health choice. I know I will every time I drink one.
Mountain Dew™ Berry Monsoon - Savannah is a VERY PROUD member of what she calls, “My exclusive club”. We are talking about Sam’s Club™ here. Yes, Sam’s Club™, the exclusive club, has their own exclusive Mountain Dew™. Sav an I are known to make trips to Sam’s just to enjoy some dirt cheap pizza, and when we do you bet your bottom dollar that I am getting some Berry Monsoon. It somehow makes spending so much money on 30lbs of peanut butter more palatable.
Mountain Dew™ Frost Bite - Another Walton Family exclusive here, Frost Bite™ is exclusive to WalMart. It’s a “icy melon” flavor, which I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean, but it sure is DELICIOUS. It’s like, BRIGHT blue, and has a huge Shark on all it’s branding? Is this the official Dew™ of Jaws?
Mountain Dew™ Overdrive - This one is exclusive to Casey’s gas stations. Yes, you can only get this at specific GAS STATIONS. It’s “punch” flavored and is low key REALLY GOOD. I stumbled upon this while on my way to play golf (lmao) with my brother. I can’t think of a more fitting drink to stroll onto a country club with than a BRIGHT RED GAS STATION EXCLUSIVE MOUNTAIN DEW™. God Bless America.
Mountain Dew™ Maui Burst - Pineapple is one of the best flavors around. There is no denying it. I didn’t know this Dew™ existed until this past year as well. I stumbled upon it in a Dollar General™, where it enjoys yet another “Exclusive” status. At a certain point, trying Mountain Dews™ feels like collecting baseball cards. Regardless, this Dew™ SLAPS. I don’t want to encourage you to go get some from DG™, seeing as to it’s like $3 more expensive there, but it’s worth trying.
Mountain Dew™ Code Red - The OG Dew™ spinoff flavor for me. I remember drinking Code Red™ as a little kid staying up late (9pm) playing N64 or watching a movie we rented from Hastings™ (RIP Hastings™). The nostalgia factor alone does not carry this beverage, because cherry flavored sodas ARE SO GOOD. THAT’S WHY EVERYONE DOES ONE. If you don’t love Code Red™, you don’t love fun.
Mountain Dew™ Baja Blast - I know what you all are going to say. “Alex, you are so biased because you love Taco Bell™ so much”. I have two responses to that logic. One, so what? It’s my POWER RANKING™. Two, if you really think that Baja™ gets carried by The Bell™ you don’t have taste buds. This is the best Dew™, and I might even go so far as to say it’s my favorite soda. But that’s for another POWER RANKING™.
Yes, yes, I really took all this time to think about and write about Mountain Dew™. I am who I am.
Feel free, as always, to reply with your ideas for POWER RANKINGS™.
LOVE YA
TEX TAX
Ideas:
Top ten rom coms
Top ten heist movies
Top ten Super Bowl commercials (links included)
Top ten Super Bowl halftime shows (links included)
Top ten Amazon purchases in the last year
Too ten pets you have owned
Can anyone tell me why GAME FUEL is not on this list tho????? Even just for the optics.