GREENWOOD'S POWER RANKING™ OF THINGS TO DO ON A SNOW DAY

Being stuck at home is GREAT. We all LOVE it, right?

I guess snow days are cool. Savannah loves not having to be at school and I am trying really hard to channel that energy. My restless legs syndrome (self-diagnosed, it counts, it’s my body I do what I want) does not allow me to just sit here all day. Sometimes, on days like today, The Shining makes a lot more sense to me. I’M WORKING ON IT. I promise that these next few days will not end like The Shining, in no small part because we do not have a cool hedge maze outside.

LETS GET INTO IT

11. Bake Something

Who doesn’t love to eat 3,000 calories worth of under-baked brownies on a day where you basically don’t move at all the whole day? I mean you have NOTHING better to do today, get out there and make some POOR DECISIONS you guys.

10. Sit in your comfortable chair for so long that you are somehow sore from sitting in your comfortable chair

Sure, you can sit here and pretend that 8 straight hours in the same spot watching episode after episode of The X-Files CAN’T POSSIBLY make your body feel sore. I mean, it’s called a LAY-Z-BOY for a reason. ALAS, regardless of your mental gymnastics, your back and legs and somehow shoulders? are sore.

9. Watch The Lord of The Rings again

There is no better time to fire up the extended editions and spend 12+ hours watching one of the greatest stories ever told. Plus, you have to get up and change the Blu-Ray™ disc ever 2.5 hours, so you get some steps in too! It’s actually a health tip if you think about it. Good for the body, mind and soul. Gandalf would be proud of how you are taking such good care of yourself.

8. Refuse to let your wife take a nap for longer than an hour because you are bored and want her to entertain you

This ranks lower down on the list becuase I realize that it isn’t as applicable to all audiences. If it had a wider reach, it would probably be a stronger option. I mean all can make due by repeatedly calling someone until they answer in a panic because they think that there is an emergency and that’s why you called them back to back to back to back times until they answered. It, much like waking your wife up, can illicit the kind of response you might be looking for: EXASPERATION.

7. Fall down your front steps

Turns out, in Oklahoma, if there is snow, there is likely ICE underneath the snow. I know you are trying to be kind to the mailman that is still out there delivering all that accursed mail that goes directly into the trash can, but your kindness does not save you from the inevitable tumble down your front steps while you are trying to clear them. Thankfully, your butt is likely still sore from sitting in your chair all day so you won’t feel it too much.

6. Be mad about how your water bill is going to be higher this month because you have to leave your faucets dripping so your pipes don’t freeze

It’s tough to find better ways to pass time than RUMINATING on the $5 you are WASTING by keeping your water running just a hair so that your pipes don’t freeze and cause a MASSIVE water leak. IT DOESN’T MATTER that the repairs from frozen pipes would cost WAY more than the $5, that $5 is the most important $5 you have ever held. Besides, we all like to have SOMETHING to complain about, right? Snow days need more grumpiness.

5. Eat Soup

I personally don’t vibe with this option too much, but I know that it’s a nearly universal snow day activity. It is hard to ignore in the grand scheme of the world, so many people are obsessed about drinking their meal instead of eating it for some reason? I don’t know, but Soup’s body of work speaks for itself. ALSO CHILI IS A SOUP. “NO IT’S NOT ALEX, THAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID” - Jackson, probably. It is and it is my POWER RANKING™ so get on board you guys.

4. Drive around, regardless of how dangerous it is, because you just CANNOT stand being in the house any longer

I think that this is an underrated snow-day activity, as evidenced by all the people doing 50mph down my street on the ice. They all seem to be having so much FUN! Get out there, do some donuts in a church parking lot, LIVE AGAIN. Cars can always be pulled out of ditches in a few days when it thaws out, that’s what tow straps are made for after all. Plus, after you get stuck somewhere, you might get to walk home in the cold, giving this a health angle as well! Win-Win.

3. Want to fix things around your house, realize that you don’t have the stuff you need to fix said things, drive to the hardware store (a la #4) to buy the stuff, only to find a paper taped to the door informing you that the hardware store closed at 3, and then go home again and stare at the un-hung picture or whatever it is at your house that needed some attention

I mean this will kill AT LEAST an hour of your snow day, plus it has the upside of giving you ANOTHER thing to be mad about today! Where did the AMERICAN WORK ETHIC go? Soft stores closing early for SAFETY? CARING ABOUT EMPLOYEES? WHAT ABOUT THAT 10 MINUTE PROJECT I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OFF FOR 6 WEEKS? I AM THE VICTIM.

2. Refuse to play Scrabble™ with your wife and mother-in-law because they are both way better at it than you, and you are a sore loser

I don’t really have much to say about this, to be honest. It’s just how it is sometimes. I won the last Scrabble™ game that we all played together (over a year ago) and I INTEND TO RETIRE ON TOP.

1. POWER RANK™ STUFF

In your darkest moment, when you can no longer see the light. When all other snow day activites have failed to keep you from the long, dark of boredom (sorry, Lord of the Rings is on the brain), POWER RANKING™ can bring you back from the precipise. It will refuel your brain, make you feel like you accomplished something, and allow you to be refreshed for the next few episodes of The X-Files.

LOVE YA

TEX TAX™ - I have used this one before, I think, but am too lazy to go verify. It’s APPROPRIATE FOR THE WEATHER SO I’M POSTING IT AGAIN.